Imagine life as a freakin’ Disney Princess. *GASP* I know, right? It sounds wonderful! Lovely hair, prettyful dresses, the gift of breaking into song every two and a half minutes! They seem to have it all. I always wondered what their diary entries would look like. What’s that you say? YOU have also, infact, wondered that too! *GASP* Well, lucky you!
Hello again., dearest diary. Today I found the love of my life! He’s perfect, what every girl dreams of. Sure, I have yet to talk or meet him but I think I have a plan. There’s this lady that really wants to help me. She seems rather anxious for me to have her help me. Says she wants my voice. And if I give her that one little thing, then I get to have even MORE limbs! Ones that dangle from my hips. They sound like so much fun. She said that if I do this, then I’ll get to go on land, meet my love, and live happily ever after.
I can’t wait to be apart of his world. What’s the worst that could happen?
(Not to self: Remember to look up the word “Hoarder”. Not sure why the girls keep using it around me.)
Ugh. Another day in this huge castle, listening to this huge hairy guy go on and on about how awesome his library is. Who even gives a care? It was nice and all, but I can’t go anywhere without him breathing (heavily, I may add) down my neck. I keep telling myself, just a little while longer until this ridiculous curse is over & I can leave. He better let me leave eventually. It’ll be so awkward if I have to put him in his place in front of the candle stick. And WOW. The objects in this place need to be a little more considerate at night. They are always throwing dinner parties and breaking into song! It’s become quite absurd. Oh great, time for another meal with the beast. It’s always fun to watch someone eat soup like a rabid dog. /sigh.
Well, it’s been three months since the wedding to the street rat… I mean, Aladdin. (Wow, I have GOT to stop doing that.) Things seem to be going well, for the most part. I just wish he would stop complaining about Genie! “Why wouldn’t he let me wish for more wishes? WHY? I know he could have. He just wouldn’t!” That’s all I ever hear. And what happened to all of those romantic carpet rides I was promised before he put a ring on it? He took me like twice and that was it. And now I have to go and pretend to enjoy the puppet show him and that monkey have been rehearsing all day. Hmm, I wonder how Jafar is doing…
Oh journal, I’ve had SUCH a glorious day! Oh me, oh my. The birds are singing, the sun is shining, and I know my special someone is out there just waiting for me somewhere. Oh, life is good. And the little men have allowed me to re-do their laundry today. Apparently I didn’t do it proper the first time around. No worries though, it’s what I do! The one with the bad temper told me I may need cooking lessons. Hmm, maybe he should try cooking for 7 picky and annoying little eaters and see how HE does. Ok, time for my meditation and daily rye & coke. In with the positive, out with the negative!
Oh my gosh! I like can’t believe I lost my flippin’ shoe! So, I go to the ball tonight. (Thank you fairy godmother! I owe you one, big time. You’re like the most amazing lady evah.) So I’m at the ball, totally dancing the night away with all the cute guys, when I must have lost track of time and BAM! It’s already almost midnight! And then, being the total clutz that I am, I go running down the stairs and TOTALLY lose my shoe! Ah, how embarrassing. I’ll never live this down. The fam is going to have a flippin’ field day with this when they find out. I just hope I get invited back to the palace, it was like so totally badass and awesome.
So, yeaaa. I just woke up to some guy making out with me. Awkward!
(Before you’re all, “was she just making fun of them?”… Yes. Yes I was. But in a most loving way. I heart these ladies (well, girls) very much. Ariel is my hero. So I say this all with a light heart.)
Peace, love & sarcasm,